On a cold summer night

It was a cold summer night, yeah you heard me right. And if you didn't, then wait until the rain turn down its volume slight, and then you may hear me. Still just might. I found myself within a roadside refuge, waiting for the tempest to subside. My bike was drenched in the pouring rain, almost as if it's about to go down the dashing drain.

It was pitch dark except for the street light a few good meters away, and that’s when I saw this girl walking towards the bus stop. This seemed an odd time for a girl to be in a forest, and she was alone and drenched all over. I didn't know who to pity more, my beaten bike or this desolate stranger. But when she ran inside my safe house, I saw her face for the first time and she watched me in return with a look filled with suspicion. And by the looks of it, she did not seem too convinced by my appearance. So she stood further away, no closer than the edge of the raised platform. I saw a young girl in her mid-twenties and probably few years younger than me. She could have set out in the morning beautifully dressed in her sparkling red gown, but now it was all soaking wet. Yet even within her shabby clothes sticking close to her body, she looked more like one dazzling mermaid.

There seemed to be a light in the distance, and as I saw a bus coming closer... She was desperately waving her hands for it to stop. But the bus jeered past us, splashing more water as I tried to cover myself from getting more wet. She looked devastated, and I knew I had to say something. Also had to stop her before she went all crazy and jumped back into the treacherous mountain road.

"I think that’s the last bus Miss, past 8 in these parts, you wont find many buses." I tried to add more "But..".

Then I stopped. As she looked at me furiously like she did not want to believe what I just said, but her eyes said that she has already started accepting defeat. 

And that’s also when I noted those pair of eyes, those eyes burning with anger, not just at me but the rain, the stupid bus driver and the entire world that surrounded the moment. I thought I was going to burn into ashes under her glare. But then out of the heavens came a chilling wind to my rescue. 

She was wearing a red salwar that was sticking close to her body. Through it, I could see her thin body shivering fiercely. I myself was wearing a loose-fitting tee shirt and jeans, I did not even bring my jacket assuming a jacket would be just a waste of space for a bike trip during summer. So I did not know how to help her. 

I have not travelled to these parts of Kerala before, it was a lonely place for all I know, and I did not see a single house in the near vicinity on my ride here. We were simply surrounded by forests and hills.

It would be easy to save myself from further trouble and I could just walk out from this situation, but there was something inside me that said, it’s not the manly thing to do. After all, all the Bollywood movies that I've watched, there was never a scene where the hero left the heroine all alone in the rain.

"Madam, are you listening? My name is Naveen and if you want I can go around and see if there is any house or shops nearby, my bike is just over there...”

She was now sitting by the slab away from the rain and fumbling for something in her purse. "Oh thank god" I thought "...at least the idiot had a cell phone with her all along"

I did not watch her anymore as I believed that she could take care of herself now and her voice was lost in the rain, yet I could make out lots of Hello's and "not getting any network" shouts. Finally when through the rain, I heard her voice calling my name

"Naveen. I think my phone just went switch off. Do you have a mobile?"

Quickly awake at the call of her sweet voice, I immediately took out my mobile and gave it to her. She started dialling some numbers for a long time and finally said "There is no network in this area, the call is not getting connected. Oh my god!"

I was started to get worried when I saw that there were now some tears forming in her eyes. I was afraid she was going to throw my phone away. I did not want to lose my last lifeline in her rage. So I cautiously took my phone from her. And started trying to find any network walking around the place.

It was of no use. "Madam, I think we will have to wait here till the rain settles, then I can take you to the nearest town or to your house. Not to worry, I think it’s already showing good signs.." my words went lost in the biggest thunder I heard so far, there was lightning that blinded me for a second as she ran towards me and grabbed my hands. Her grip felt so tight and I felt like she was going to fall off a cliff. As the sound echoed in the distance, she loosened her hold and then I heard her weeping slowly. I felt really nervous now, my helplessness together with concern for someone who was equally desperate made me want to cry with her. The weather was showing no signs of improvement and I started to blame all the things that lead me here.

"Madam, don’t cry, I think I have some dry clothes inside my bag, it’s on my bike. Maybe my portable charger has some charge left in it."

She was now sitting in the corner with her heads held down. "Madam, I’ll just go around looking for someplace and will find some help for us...”

"I am not your madam...” blustered out her voice “My name is Anjana, and you are not going anywhere...”

I kept quiet knowing it was the best thing to do. “I took the wrong bus and slept off in between, ended up in the wrong stop. I am not from around here, I don’t even know which place this is...”

“This is Gundelpet. It’s the Malabar Mysore border, there is a long stretch of forest between either side of us. Normally they don’t allow bikes in hereafter 3:00. But I took the chance and skipped over two check post..” there was no point in discussing her fears any more, so I continued later on about how I planned a lone bike trip to Bangalore and back, and that I was on my way back home “and I do have some camping gear and things in my backpack. It’s only for precaution but seems like this place is safer than any other camp in this rain…”

Time went on as we talked about things that lead us here. It did not matter as we were not going anywhere. Anjana seemed more comfortable now, it was almost 11.20 and I was starving. I had some parcel that I bought from the last hotel I came past. But it was not enough for both of us. I asked her if she ate anything. She said yes, and I was partly relieved. I said I’ll just go around and take my parcel and come back.

As I walked out through the rain to my bike, I pulled it towards the stop and somehow managed to get it inside. My huge backpack occupied the pillion completely. And it had all my survival kits. That was when we heard a terrible cry. An elephant no doubt about it. Was out there somewhere I heard the call faintly, but she heard it ever so clearly. With eyes of terror, she looked at me. I stopped for a second and then shook my head and went along to deal with my parcel. She stopped me suddenly as she heard a second cry nearer this time, my hands were held midair away from my first bite. She urged me to raise up, I reluctantly set my food aside as she took me to nearest slab and there we lay underneath, inside the cosy hole and that’s when we heard the third call of distress much nearer this time. I knew there was every reason for us to feel the horror now.

“Oh my god” as I was about to say out loud, she closed my mouth tightly with her palms. I felt so afraid that I did not know who was shivering more, as I watched a huge black animal walk across the road. Definitely the largest land animal, not in his best moods as it came near the stop and shook its head furiously, took my parcel from other side and threw it away. Then gave a heavy shove to my bike which went down in the first stroke. I felt so afraid and instinctively hugged her tightly with all my fears. The fuming elephant tried to lift the bike, but feeling it was too heavy, left it there and started throwing sticks and clay at it. After minutes that felt like hours, it finally stomped off to the other side of the road. As it moved further away, I felt my hands slide off her back and she tried to calm me down gently. Immediately after I let her go, I went to the other side because I did not want to show the signs of tears in my eyes.

I went straight to my bike to see if it was in one piece, thankfully for the crash guard everything was intact. It was time to move on, there was no point waiting for the rain to subside. We have to save ourselves from another uncalled attack. She seemed to agree with me. From where we were the nearest town was closer towards the state border. She did not object as she got into my bike and we somehow managed to stay together with all the tightly grappled over her back. She was sandwiched between me and the luggage so close, that I could feel her heart beating. As we drove off, I was afraid of every turns we took expecting an elephant or worse at every corner. Finally, after an hour or so, we came by the first check post. The guard was sleeping somewhere far inside the building, all locked from inside. There was no point in calling for help and it was better that we did not, to cross the land across without permission late this night was already an offence, and I did not want to spend my next day at a police station with a girl sharing my crime. She quickly agreed to my argument. I felt concerned for her face and skin which was now all white in the rain. I opened my luggage slowly so that no water went in and took out one of my summer jackets and asked her to cover with it. Now that at least she got her whole hands and neck covered.

As we went along another few kilometres that’s when we saw a light out of the first building. It seemed to be some old place waiting to be taken down. There was a shop closed on the ground floor and stairs that lead to the first. There were no lights on the second floor. The first floor had rooms with broken walls. But seemed uninhabited. Evidently, the place was no longer in use, seemed like an old government building or check post of some sort. At least it had some space above the ground with roof overheads.

I unpacked my gear and let everything fall over the floor. I took some dress to change and helped her find a shirt and pants. We went in turns to the next room to change and came back fresh and neat. The rain was pouring down endlessly but at least now it was falling in a constant rhythm. There were leaks here and there but who cared about them anyway. We were safe and away from all the wild animals up in this building and rain was of our least concerns now.

I had a flash-light that shined across the room perfectly well. Now that Anjana was feeling better in my company we started talking about each other’s life. She was talking about her family and that she studied some course I did not have the slightest idea about. Being a broke out engineer working for daily wages on a contract job, there was nothing more I could say about my job, yet she was attentive to whatever I said.

It has now grown colder and the rain was no more than some background noise. There was little space between us and for the humid air to fill in. She appeared distraught and tired. I could just raise my arms and touch her if I wanted, but I did not want to scare her off. So I went a little back trying to find something in the pile of clothes I just emptied. I found a damp matchbox and some paper and litter that I had not thrown out in the road. There was a bottle partially filled with petrol left, from my last reserve in case of emergencies. There were pieces of wood lying here and there, many under the pile of broken windows and doors were still dry. I gathered some together and started building a fire. “Thankfully there are gaps for the smoke to escape”, I said out aloud. “So don’t worry, I won’t fry you...”

Anjana smiled “Why you don’t think I am not warm enough for you?” And she laughed. Her girlish giggle made my heart skip a beat. I just wore a stupid smile on my face and looked away trying to make a spark to light the fuel. After quite a lot of attempts, I was fed up watching the matchstick either burning on my fingers or breaking away. She asked if she could have a try. Who was I to argue, if she really wanted to compete with a guy? Maybe she will get an idea of how difficult a job it is.

The first attempt was a miss, as the matchstick was mostly burned out. But the second attempt on the same stick did the trick, the fire went blazing, and I had to step back on my heels for a moment watching the fire lit high. “Wow,” I thought and the smile on her face did nevertheless made me say softly once more “wow...”

Now that the warmth was creeping in, I turned my gaze towards her and she was looking into the fire like it meant something to her. Her eyes had a dark brown tint to it that the fire made just brighter. Her lips were tender red, slightly rose with the cold grazing through its edge. As I slowly moved closer towards the losing edge, she turned sharply and gave me a threatening look. I suddenly stopped and felt quite ashamed. I retracted back to my colder space trying to find my peace with many boiling inclinations.

In that peaceful state, a lucid dream crept into my flaccid mind which went something like this: In the darkness, I felt a warm breath over my exposed neck. Her burning eyes watching me sleep creates a searing warmth across my flesh as I felt it bleed. Paralyzed as I was, I couldn’t move but the pain that followed was what I was unprepared for. I may have let out that final gasp for air when suddenly it all stopped. A drop of something poisonous covered the wound, like the first drops of rain it went smoothly rolling down the skin. It felt really cold as it embraced all my pain. I felt really calm and I slowly turned my back around to face something bright and beautiful. In the light I found the courage to find her lips, red as wine while it closed me in. I could taste myself materialized at the ends of her tips and those twisted tongues, now all around mine. There were no more questions, I was sucking onto her like the world’s best-savoured flesh served. It was like an endless desire to play with a fire which silently unfurls all across my body.  Her kiss started something better while sliding my fingers through her hair and clasping onto them as our lips crossed the boundaries in between. It parted slightly for the air which filled never enough to feed our combined souls. With my hands pressing her to the ground as I went down her ridges slowly, cautiously. Seeping in all there is to savour, and breathing in the aroma of her body completely. All the while, the rain splashing over the marks I made in her body. It was now like some uncanny spirit had possessed my dreams. In the darkness we were moving in perfect rhythm while sprawled into each other, watching her eyes tightly closed in pleasure and feeling those clenched nails pierce through my skin. It made me grow mad with exhilaration. And after what felt like an eternity of struggle, we became one, hissing poisonous trickles of air, failing to meet the end with each stroke. The colder outside, the hotter inside. The moisture in the air so thick but never so much as the warmth in the lair which her garden inflicts. A night by the fire with the freedom to her empire. I the king and she the queen and both in their deepest fervour... 

It must have been days before I woke up and I woke up alone. With my clothes dripping in my blood, ripped apart, I felt my whole body was on flames and sharp pains flashing across my head. I quickly dried and covered myself with the blanket and looked around for clues of the present. I called out her name aloud. There was no answer. She must have left early. That was not polite. I thought and what the hell happened here, everything felt like flashes... and I was suddenly lost in meaningless thoughts and it took some time for me to regain my consciousness. I kept rubbing the side of my neck where it was paining the most. Unlikely any pain the touch on the wounded spot simply reminded me of her touch. I missed her badly, and I cannot be discarded here like this. Maybe I tried to do something stupid to her last night and she left scared. I felt bad. Really bad and contaminated…

The things she said about herself, I tried to remember any specifics. But they were all just hollow details, nothing solid which could help me locate her. Is she simply an illusion? Rubbing my neck and packing my things, I dressed quickly tried to see if there was any evidence of her anywhere close, I felt abandoned and was about to leave. That was when I checked the place for one last time. From what I saw, it used to be a temporary residence for forest officials and their near family. Our state-funded quarters for the department. It seemed so eerie now that there was no one in and around the place. In one particular room, there was an old almirah filled with junks like playing cards and beads, broken bangles and other empty cosmetics. Then I saw that the almirah had a hidden chamber behind closer to the wall it was placed. It seemed like a chamber that had no opening. I checked the other side of the wall and saw nothing.  I tried to pull the furniture away, but it did not budge from its position. I took a nail from the wooden board that was lying next to me and using a rock, tried to make a hole through the board. When I finally succeeded to get a peep into the wooden chamber, I saw the most horrific sight in my entire life.

A corpse draped in red with blood painted across its open skeleton. I fell back on the ground tried started to run away, into the light. Needless of any evidence I was somehow able to convince myself that it was her body rotten inside the box. Finally, when I reached outside, I was panting so hard, trying to stay in conscious. Assuming all the horrific ghost stories I have ever heard were real, I quickly turned back and started to run for my life.

Laments of a Broken Heart

A melancholic thought floats like aimless kite

It stays glued to my sight, fragile and light

Hope rewinds a clock, unwavering and strong,

How hope turned so vile, deceptive, and wrong?

Days are short, a witness to my mind's commotions,

Nights were long, drowned in my own dysfunctions.

Your thoughts gave me comfort when I sleep,

My visions were weak, yet their promises I keep.

Unforgettable memories like weathered stones, 

gave me warmth when I miss her sweet tone

Like a scouring thorn, it scrubs over my mind

And it murmurs softly, this life is your plight

Echoes of Affliction

Poisoned memories, quietly unearthed.

Born from deceit and sly perception.

Haunting past like infection it breeds

Over my wounds, it ignites the wind.

Cradling a harsh newborn, festered

in its own gruesome warmth.

Forgiveness battling vengeful prayers, 

in whispered hush, they clash and deter.

This road to perdition feels dark and clear.

With the blurry images of my past endured.

On my rearview mirror, I watch her cold eyes

A haunting reflection with unresolved traces.

Her laughter, her tears, her myriad emotions. 

Her passion, her smile, and raw seductions. 

It pierce my night's shroud, dawns a new flight. 

Amidst this darkness, she slowly retracts. 

With raging duress, my heart's somber voices

Follows the void with treacherous thoughts

A requiem, it haunts my senses profound. 

Echoes of affliction and in silence, it resounds.

Love & Love Only

If she could just pause that moment and rewind what just happened..

He was standing there alone, nestled in the corner next to the window, as his gaze lay locked on to the endless expanse of the clear blue sky. His gaze seemed to be in perfect harmony with the world around him, slow and silent as the wind broke theough the closed channels. 

At Burlington University, the library is situated on the third floor of the central building which had a good view of the surrounding trees and lush green of the Minerva hill station. It was nearly the cold season and in the last row, nearer to the main entrance, sat Anitha surrounded by many books, forming a fortress. While she carefully went through the notes she brought with her, her eyes kept stealing glances at a young man who was deeply lost in his own world. He was fair, slightly chubby cheeks, with short stubble for a beard and eyes that matched his dark grey t-shirt. He didn't dress so stylish like the rest in the corridor, but that only added to the enigmatic allure that surrounded him.  

Anitha used to have childhood dreams about some prince who would sweep a princess off her feet, carry her on horseback, just like the fairy tales and Disney movies often portrayed. Back then, she had a vision of  this perfect prince, which has now long been tucked away in the secret pots of her memory. But this man was not making any such impressions. Yet he had a certain charm that she couldnt ignore. And as he gazed at the sky, it appeared as if he held a deeper affection for the heavens than all the other eyes that admired it. Maybe, thats just how all day-dreamers look like and she just noticed it now. 

The library was nearly still, interrupted only by the occasional cough or sneeze from other students. But, like in most quiet places, the silence felt like a buzzing hive in your head. Anu, as her friends would call her, liked to spend most of her time in the nooks and corners of this place. Anitha had long frizzy hair, blushful cheeks and also wore a little frameless specs that seated perfectly over her small nose. Typical to a quiet and timid girl, the library for Anu was a world away from the busy normal world. In its tranquility, silence spoke volumes, revealing hidden stories concealed from its casual observers.

On the opposite end of the library, Anu spotted two other familiar faces from her department, Arun and Sandeep, both deeply engrossed in their newspapers and magazines. Arun, her classmate and close friend, was very keen on what was happening in and around the world all the time. Sandeep, she only knew by name was one of his best friends. But this new person as she looked and admired, she dont recollect seeing him anywhere before. 

"Karthik," called out the girl right in front of her, and he turned sideways to look at this new person.

"Karthik, have you met prof. Dinesh? He was looking everywhere for you. He mentioned possibly having those books that you needed from last semester," she paused, and his smile filled the air. It felt like a heartwarming sight for her.

"...And I just rememberd how our beloved professor used to sometimes describe the college library. 'A vibrant space filled with timeless artifacts', he used to say" Karthik chuckled, and Anitha heard his voice for the first time in her life. Not too deep, but soft and a bit nasal. 

"Karthik," she whispered the name to herself, finding it more enchanting. She checked her brain, trying to recall if she had ever seen him on campus before. Could this be the same Karthik who played football and was known for never skipping classes for practices? She had heard about him from Arun, who always kept her updated on such campus gossip and insider information. This particular piece of news was intriguing because, from what she knew, most guys seemed to be always looking for excuses to skip classes at Burlington.

Then, Karthik laid his eyes on Anitha for the first time in his life.

However, Anu quickly averted her gaze and picked up the nearest book on her table, burying herself in it, her face hidden. She had always been hesitant to make eye contact with strangers and her shyness around new people reflecting her early life, which was mostly isolated. In and out of many central schools around the country, her father works for the government and they had to travel a lot. Now for the first time in her life she was is in one place and she still couldnt feel too comfortable around stranger's company.

Karthik was intrigued and wanted to catch a glimpse of the mysterious reader. He couldn't help but wonder why someone was engrossed in a book titled "The History of Christianity" by Rudolf Grant, especially in an area surrounded by commerce and management books. It sparked his interest, as he was currently working on his second-year MBA case study, comparing economic prosperity in the modern era to the medieval period. This book seemed like it could be a valuable resource for his research.

He had left a stack of books on a table far from his own spot just before the librarian called him to collect some newly issued books. Upon returning, he found his seat occupied, so he stood by the window, and was lost in time savoring the morning view. This happens to him everytime when he was trying to study something hard. Things easily distract him and a new thread of thought could  start with no end. He must have looked really stupid just standing there by the window all this time just starting at the sky.

Maybe the girl behind his incomplete book can help him with some of his questions. But its also difficult for him to just start conversation with a stranger girl. They always seem to assume the weirdest reasons to respond curtly or even worse to give no response at all. 

"Hi," Karthik uttered unconsciously. Both the girls turned their heads to look at him. The girl who just arrived was standing just a few metres away near the shelf reading the back of a hefty book, while Anitha was sitting with her head digged deep in her palms and skipping slowly through the pages.

Karthik signed to the other girl that he was talking to Anitha, she turned around and Karthik started speaking slowly to Anitha, "are you reading that book?" pointing his finger quickly at its cover. Anitha on the other hand looked a bit confused, well aware that she was touching this book for the first time in her life. Her pencils and notes which was the only things she brought to the table today and they lay next to it.

Her eyes  seemed to sometmes fret when confronted with attention. Being introverted by nature, whenever possible she tried to avoid conversations with strangers. Those pair of dark eyes was not making it any easy on her either.

"Could you tell me a bit about what you're reading? I'm working on a report loosely related to it," Karthik inquired. He heard the sound of a book being placed back on the shelf, signaling that Jessie had moved to the next section.

Anitha's voice trembled briefly in her throat, but she quickly cleared it and spoke with uncertainty, "Well, I think it's good..." She took a quick peek of the front cover and continued, "..I mean, I just read at a few pages. I am a commerce student. So I am not actually reading it"

"Okay, thats alright," Karthik reassured her. "I was just keeping all the books together just to decide which one to start as reference material for my topic. I was mainly interested in getting a summary, because the books I read are far too objective."

Anitha nodded and slowly rose from her chair, deciding it was best to leave before facing more questions. Karthik seemed to sense this and wished he hadn't troubled her.

"Don't worry about it. You can take the book if you want.," he said, as he started raising from his chair. Then, he added, "I'm sorry for interrupting your reading; I was just about to leave."

Anitha smiled and remained silent. Karthik didn't know what else to say, so he smiled and turned and slowly walked away. On his way out, Anitha overheard him say goodbye to the other girl, and that was the extent of their conversation that day.

***

That night Karthik kept thinking about her. She was cute, soft spoken and had an air of  intelligence  surrounding her. He thought of himself during the school years when he was a teenager trying to adapt to his new school in Delhi. It was a slightly difficult phase in his life.

"How to know more about her?", "Would she be there in that same place tomorrow? And even if she was, would it be a good idea to go there and pretend as if he was only there to read more history books?," He thought. Even when he had all these quewtions, it was sure that in the end she would see right through him. Karthik was never too good in hiding his feelings for someone.

It didnt make sense to him. It was fairly obvious that she wasn't a girl who  liked to be asked out by guys she just met. 

****

My dying rose..

love can live but fate tears us apart
love can heal but these wounds have no heart
you are my love, my precious little gem
I would rather die, than watch your light dim

my dying rose, her heartbeats turns low
going silent, it fades so slow
I close my eyes and lets it roll
I will stay in her arms, till darkness and beyond

A window by my side close to the shore
I listen to her breath, its music to my soul
I slept in her dreams, or she woke up in mine
she said no goodbye, she will say no more..

In The Storm That Followed

Under the moonlight that shines obscure
a lonely rover smeared by its shades
pleasantly shakes with a laugh that echoes
across the mountains and around the shores.

Rumbling thunder and the waves they complain
it's not fair, you laugh with such dismay
life is an ocean love is the wind
waves are emotions, yours don't fit in.

Oh! Tempest, my face wears a mask of distress
Her name brings all memories, socked in disdain
a day past the hour that killed my dear one
I laugh at my loss, for her blood is on my hands.

The rain pours down harder, the waves they collide
and the sea of desire rocks back and forth
this storm that had followed the greed for your love
shall stay till the fall, until your life dims to dawn

Now, every time I close my eyes.
rain pours down my house of cards
rolling down is my last teardrop
breaks its disguise, like a pearl of its shell.

To this world that ripped me apart, I owe
my life..that is yet to depart.
I stand here and shiver, with thoughts of my past
killing me... this storm will never pass

You..

Hey you,

Words can mean so little when they are written about you. They can only make your beauty less beautiful, your smile less captivating, yourself less radiant. So I am writing a whole new dictionary of love entirely dedicated to you, written out of my sheer devotion towards you, which has countless words designed only to admire you.

With each passing moment, I feel the necessity of moving closer to you. But I have decided to stay still and to stay this way until that perfect moment when I grow mad in this love for you, and finally become so crazy that I shall break all these chains that binds me to this place to chase you down and all my dreams that are only about you; you are slowly killing my senses, and they will never quit craving for you.

I just want to find you, to tell you how much I love you and how much I have missed you that its impossible for me to continue my life without you, and when I find you I want nothing more than to embrace you, to keep our hearts close together and feel the beats unite to hear the music that it would create and stay that way, forever with you.